THE WHEEL OF LOVE

The concept of the “Wheel of Love” is pretty simple. Basically love, in all of its forms is cyclical, Writers like John Donne and Joyce Carol Oates speak of these cycles.

In the nineteenth century the popular thought was that we love in our youth as impetuous children,develop depth and strength in our passionate and other relationships as we get to middle age, and as aged citizens we return to the innocence of childhood prior to the recognition and practices of romantic love.

Now with life - extension, and, all sorts of inditae that tell us not to age, we are trapped in a run-on sentence, a continuum of static non-change in our relationships. People are afraid to be their age, afraid to say they are looking forward to peace and quiet, and now must frolick alongside their younger contemporaries.

Love itself is on a truly shaky track of being automated to reflect self-love.  We don’t really consider the vaguaries of values and long-term compatibility.  A hundred reality shows mock us with a checklist of “who are the chosen and who are not”. We ask why, although these entertainments are purely “game show”, they resonate at the heart of our culture, and television ratings.  Much like my childhood friend, whose mother after a serious breakdown, danced for the cameras in a mall parking lot, somehow feel part of this bizarre cultural recipe for choice. It’s like living in a velvet painting.

The Therapeutic Wheel of Love is a psycho-social tool that detects obsessive love. It was developed by a few pop psychologists who point to symptomatic behaviours of people who think they are in love. Their behaviour however, indicates they are obsessively linked to the object of their desires.  Dr. John Moore says that he refers to the Obsessive Love Wheel as a wheel because it never stops turning. He refers to progression in the disorder being detectable through heightened thoughts, attachment and anxiety.

He refers to PHASE ONE as the attraction phase (sounds normal enough), PHASE TWO, the anxious phase, PHASE THREE, The obsessive phase, (trying to control another person’s movements, lifestyle or contact with others. PHASE FOUR usually presents when the loved one “flies the coop” to avoid any more weird behaviour.

Most attractions have the same progression, so this can be confusing.

What about loving someone more as you grow together, what about having a bond that triumphs over age, where quiescent love remains strong through our twilight years?  Where does love end and obsession begin? Dr.Moore says there is little difference except for a general lack of trust where obsessive behaviour is present.  A pantheon of knowledge where relationships were concerned, Ann Landers said she had but one truism about relationships. It was “If someone treats you differently in the presence of others than they do when you are alone, run.” She said this spelled “other agenda” or “insincerity”. 

Seeing how complicated life is, the simple little nineteenth century “Wheel of Love” seems so much easier to cope with. Understand and revel in young love, build our lives together as the middle aged,  love tenderly and enjoy all the trust and confidence we have developed as an elderly couple.