A STORY OF COMMITMENT
A Trust of Memory

Over the years we have all wondered what constitutes true love.  Does someone who loves us truly, and faithfully always please us? No. That would be unbearable anyway.  The same ebb tide and waves have to exist to provide balance in our relationships that moderate the natural elements of our world.

I met a couple many years ago that defied the descriptions we have of true love, but nevertheless, personified it in faith, depth of love and understanding.

He was a successful, rather absent minded, and sometime inconsiderate husband.  She was a hard-nosed business woman with little time for the fripperies of a relationship. It was her theory that love just slowed a person down, and didn’t last anyway.

These two people met at a Jaguar dealership where they were servicing their cars.  He owned his car, while she leased hers. They had an argument in the waiting room about which was the most practical of the two situations. They saw each other for coffee after that and proceeded to form a friendship that later turned to a business-like romance.

Being people in their forties, they had lost the infatuated glow of young lovers.

The man eventually proposed, and the woman’s response was a little disappointing.

She said, “ You will get bored, and then you won’t do much for the relationship, and then you’ll drop me.”

He said, “You don’t know what commitment is. I will show you what it is and I will never leave your side, no matter what.”

The marriage was successful and the man kept his word. They built businesses together and worked hard to build a great life together.

The woman was amazingly well organized, with every thought in a file and meticulous order everywhere around her.  Then things changed.  She would misplace everyday items, and call from a well known destination and say she could not find her way home.

Her day to day life seemed to have overwhelmed her.  The man got a housekeeper and an assistant for her, but her mind wandered between the present and the past with greater and greater frequency.  She saw a doctor who said she had suffered a minor stroke, and the standard ministrations for such problems took place.  Her condition then worsened noticeably.  The diagnosis was Alzheimers. 

The man was devastated, but did not let this show for a moment. He kept her by his side even more, and asked her sister to take over some of her duties in their business.  As the Alzheimers progressed, the woman had amazing moments of lucidity where she would play the piano which she had not touched for years, with virtuosity.  Her ability to remember anything about the present faded and she referred to her husband as the “caretaker” because she did not recognize him as her husband.  He took her for beautiful holidays to Eleuthera, the Caribbean and Paris and always assured that she was beautifully groomed, dressed and coiffed. 

After two years had come and gone, the woman was like a child, seldom remembering anything and needing total assistance. The man continued to support her in every way, refusing hospital or institutional care for her.  Some days, small inklings of recognition would fill him with small hope about a return from the limbo his wife was in. This never happened, but one day, I was witness to a wonderful moment.  The wife had come in from a swim and the husband gave her a big towel to wrap up in.  The woman looked up at him and said “I am going to call you Trust.” “You take care of me.” The man had to leave the room for a minute and collect himself.  He had been good for his word, and remained a noble partner under the most trying condition you could imagine. 

The woman passed away in the fourth year of her dementia, never knowing why this incredible caretaker had remained at her side. She knew only that his name was Trust, and he took care of her, and did so until her past, and the present faded away.