NO TURN UNSTONED

The relative outcome of a good deed is often not quite what we would have hoped. Usually out of the goodness of someone’s heart, assistance is provided, resources are collected or wishes are pushed along by a concerned few.

The humorous side of this altruism is often that the best intentions can backfire. A few year’s ago, I volunteered to sew a dress that someone really was crazy for. I bought the pattern, she bought the fabric, and I painstakingly sewed the frock. When it was done, and after several fittings, it was absolutely clear that she looked like a sack of potatoes in this drop waisted disaster. Ouch.

The more memorable story about good intentions gone terribly wrong happened to some family members in Quebec. They brought a newly married couple to the parish to meet everyone. The bride immediately fell in love with one of the parishioners and ran off three months later. This was not a good surprise for anyone.

An infamous story concerned a man in Winnipeg who planted a beautiful flower garden while his beloved was on holidays. He pruned and primped the garden into an elegant and beautiful work of art, to find on her return that she was allergic to every single bloom in the garden. He had to rush about to pull apart every flower bed.

In ancient times, you could inadvertently find yourself shunned, cursed or ejected for making friendly overtures that went wrong. Our forbearers would attempt to greet new populations and seem friendly, while deeply offending the visitors and causing war.

A visitor to the Empress Tzu Chi of China brought Western style shoes in an array of beautiful colors and leathers. The empress had fairly large feet. Not one of the pairs of shoes fit and she ejected the visitor from China.

Goya the brilliant Spanish artist drew portraits and all things with a curious perspective that reflected profound vision problems. An art critic criticized one of his portraits saying it was extreme, and that no noblewoman would have appeared so grotesque in real life. The subject of this portrait paid a visit to the man who thought he had complimented a powerful and wealthy aristocrat. She was thrilled at his assessment of the portrait, but he found her to be, in his words, “Like a gargoyle of hideous proportions.” He never recanted his critical writings regarding this Goya portrait, as describing the Diva in the picture would have certainly resulted in him entering a monastery.

What of the happy benefactors who bought relatives tickets on the Titanic? What can be said of well meaning relatives who incite couples to form in an unnatural and arranged way only to create truly bad relationships?

On the flip side of this irony, are those that would do evil and destruction. They are truly prone to actually making good things happen. We learn our lessons, learn to jump the shark, or simply can’t relate to their destructive actions (ignoring or intercepting them). Sometimes, someone jilts us for another, just in time to allow us to meet the love of our lives.

How can we ever be sure we are doing the right thing? Well honestly we can’t.

I once organized a surprise party for someone who I cared for. I organized a soiree fit for a king and an hour before the party when I eventually had to break down and inform the birthday boy, I was told that I invited everyone he despised. He had acted like he liked or was friendly with all of them because he was a nice person. I had accidentally created a minefield for my good friend.

Try as we may, we may not know what is best for another. We should still try to make life grand for those we love, and think of ways to fulfill their express wishes of us. The secret, is probably not to do too much ad-libbing or assuming.

But goodness alone is never enough. A hard cold wisdom is required, too, for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom invariably accomplishes evil.
- Robert Heinlein